Cheyennnnnneee
People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water.

Charles Bukowski (via bittersweetsongs)

Wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead. “Oohh isn’t it funny that a person will eat when they’re hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face”

(via artfucker1996)

sourbud1993:

megustamemes:

Bank teller laughing at robber.

She like wtf this nigga gon do wit that lmao

sourbud1993:

megustamemes:

Bank teller laughing at robber.

She like wtf this nigga gon do wit that lmao

me: i don't even care. i'm not going to talk about this anymore.
...
me: and you know what else? [2000 word rant]

fasterfood:

"God damn it!" i yell as i stub my toe on a table. suddenly from the sky, i hear god reply "okay". the floor splits open, revealing a pit to hell. god pushes the table down into the pit, and then it seals up. he actually did it. god damned it.

Dispatcher: 911, whats your emergency?
Me: Is ya'll hiring?

iwasjustkidding:

iridescentcatharsis:

macmuffinpro:

picnicinparadise:

HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!

Why do I learn more about math from Tumblr than my 12+ years of formal education????????

No math teacher ever taught me this trick. Got damn.

This is great and all if you know how to subtract things from 100 

Cop: Have you been drinking?
Me: I been drankin'
Cop: Surfbort
Me: Surfbort

problackgirl:

its funny how so many black men openly hated macklemore and no one once said “why are black men so bitter and jealous of macklemore?” but let black women discuss how racist, untalented, and ignorant iggy azalea is and suddenly we’re all bitter black bitches jealous of the poor innocent white girl lmao